Yes I've been very stupid but please take a look at my apology#1365
After thinking about this for a while and reevaluating many things, I’ve concluded that I’ve been a complete asshole and didn’t think about the people involved in my shenanigans. Before I even go into detail about my actions and why it was so bad you need to understand things from my perspective. I’m a VERY unstable person and do a lot of things based on impulse. I don’t even think twice about what I’ve said until much later. This is another scenario where, In my mind, I feel like I can get away with a lot of things online because, well, I’m hiding behind a computer screen. My actions, however, don’t reflect who I am as a person. People online and IRL who’ve actually sat down and talked to me know that I’m actually quite the opposite. I’ve always been quiet my whole life, often avoiding conflict of any kind. I don’t “harass” women and would never because I know damn well that I wasn’t raised to do that. Harassment could be of any kind but by definition is “aggressive pressure or intimidation.” I’ve never tried to attack any of the RGL women or mess with their personal lives because I don’t know who the fuck they are and frankly could care less about what they do. They’re just playing a video game like me at the end of the day. What would I gain by hurting people who want to play a game? I will not mention any of the women I’ve interacted with because I don’t think it’s necessary, but I have to personally apologize to Rona for betraying her and not standing up for her when she was getting harassed by others as well as Lou. I didn’t even write that fanfiction that people think I wrote, btw. A bunch of dumbass people like me who thought it was funny wrote it. It clearly wasn’t funny.
Now with regards to the other things I’ve done that people have deemed terrible were the following:
- Creating an alt account to get into a server
- Telling a player to kill themselves
- Leaking a dm between another person and me
- Calling people bad at the video game in pugs
I want you to take a look at this list and tell me which ones are the worst. If you were a normal person, I believe telling someone to kill themselves and leaking a dm is the worst thing you could do. These were towards MALE players, to clarify. There’s no defense for those two scenarios; I just reacted in the worst way possible to a situation between them. I will not do it again and will learn how to better control my anger in the future. The message I leaked was something some people already knew, apparently, so take that as you will. Everything else is just typical degen shit people do in any gaming community. There’s a reason why the phrase “we do a little bit of trolling” is tossed around a lot.
I want things to go back to normal. I’ve been playing competitive TF2 since season 21 of UGC highlander. I’m currently too busy with college and a full-time job, so I can’t really play next season, plus I’m getting banned for a month for another stupid forum post made by me. I’m just done with it and don’t think any of the things I did is remotely funny anymore. I’m OFFICIALLY DECLARING MYSELF A CHANGED MAN. I want to play the video game, that’s it. I’ll go mute and not say a single word if I have to. The games been there for me whenever I was bored or want to get away from life for a bit. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels the same. I hope the RGL community will give me a 2nd chance. I’m very VERY sorry.
Love u rene
fixing his mistakes
get rejected by egirl
I am glad that in the course of your “trolling” you were able to be egalitarian in abusing the trust of and harassing both women and men!
@megga I’m not misogynistic and was unfairly labeled as one. Did you not read the post or are you another follower of the mob? I don’t condone misogyny but hey let’s just forget about the other people who actually doxxed a woman in this community
@Bonesaw Abusing who’s trust? I actually never bothered you and only knew you because of avian. I’d like to reach out to the men you claim I’ve hurt besides Austin and bliztank. Don’t even try to pretend like you’ve been the most perfect individual in any sort of video game community either. Come on you of all people should know better UGC literally has a “stop cancel culture” png on the site.
I’m open to criticism and I’m willing to talk that’s why I made this post as well. However if you’re going to judge me on who I am as a person take a look at yourself before you comment. It’s absolutely shameless how fake people will be just to get their way.
I understand that you want attention, fine, I feel the need to convey some thought of my own.
If you want to talk about being fake, I’d advise you to reread your own post.
I’m going to point to behavioral patterns here. Typically speaking, if a person has to say that they’ve changed due to a lack of actions to back it up, they haven’t changed and are only saying it to get something they want.
The terminology here is insignificant, however to match it with yours:
You “trolled” sakura and apologized for that to avoid repercussions
You “trolled” rona and apologized for that to avoid repercussions
You act like an ass to melon and apologized for that afterwards
Every time I’ve seen something like this happen with you, you get called out on it, you then apologize to the person, and then proceed to do the same things. I wonder why.
You raid lou’s server while talkling of how you simply failed to defend her from being harassed. I would like to note how you throw harassment around here when it’s involving others, but not with your own actions. You were also directly involved with harassing rona. There is no standing up here; you were not some innocent bystander.
You also conveniently also forgot to bring up how you peer pressured “friends” into raiding a pug group with you. We just do a little trolling, right? These are totally actions that everyone in the community just casually decides to do. Do note that the whole telling a player to kill themselves and the leaking of dms happened in response to information of the raid being leaked to staff of the group. This led to rene deciding to raid lou’s server, as well as lashing out at others within his social group. I’m not going to go into any further detail on this matter, any sort of attempt at excusing is quite frankly irrelevant regardless of mental state.
I’m not so sure I’d write a pattern of targeted “trolling”, immediate backpedaling, and then going on to do similar things again off due to impulse/instability alone. Your actions absolutely reflect on yourself as a person, far more than any words do. No matter what excuse you try to use, actions end up being rooted in behavioral patterns, and these behavioral patterns define us as people.
I believe telling someone to kill themselves and leaking a dm is the worst thing you could do. These were towards MALE players, to clarify.
The fact that these things were directed towards male players doesn’t make it any more or less wrong than if it were towards a female player. I suppose bringing that aspect of it up better suits the narrative that you don’t harass women in specific though. I don’t care if you’re being accused of harassing women only and feel the need to clarify here, the fact that you find it relevant to clarify speaks for itself.
There’s a reason why the phrase “we do a little bit of trolling” is tossed around a lot.
This speaks for itself in regards to how you try to rationalize and defend your actions without understanding the actual harm they do.
If you describe actions as indefensible, you shouldn’t try to defend them.
I’d think that if you had any understanding of your wrongdoings, you wouldn’t jump right into judging bonesaw for judging your past actions, one’s which you try to downplay the harm of.
Stop talking about change and how sorry you are when you quite frankly have no intent of changing and simply want sympathy from others. Given your responses in the thread so far that try to redirect things, you are clearly not sorry in the slightest for your past actions. If you had any shred of genuineness, you wouldn’t keep acting the same way as you did before.
If you want other people to value your word, you have to value your own word.
The pattern remains the same
Do something awful
Try to downplay the action with friends and or redirect the fault onto the other person
Apologize for it
Your last paragraph really makes the lack of genuine remorse all the
Stop using your mental state as an excuse and hold yourself accountable, you might end up changing once you get around to doing that.
Turn this around on me like you usually try to do, I’m done. I’m not going to stay silent on this matter, and I’m not going to give it any more attention than this.
#fixing his mistakes
This post is deleted!
@Bliztank I’m glad you pointed these things out and I’ll get to fixing these them if I’m given the chance. I also was not involved in harassing rona, not once did I do anything to her. We literally played Overwatch and played on a team for a bit while it was going on. This is the first time I’ve genuinely apologized for my actions. This isn’t done for attention and I was planning on doing this as soon as I got unbanned from the forums. As for me being fake and just trying to get attention by apologizing you’re making it sound like I shouldn’t have apologized at all. I wanted to talk to you bliztank but you immediately block anyone who’s made a mistake in the past. It’s also kind of crazy how you banned people based on their affiliation with me. I do have issues and I’m admitting it, and those people you think I peer pressured to do things, actually willingly did it. Believe it or not there’s people just like me in this community, but they aren’t as loud as I am. It’s hard to tell how the other person feels on the internet, but I will say that I’m trying.
@megga Oh wait you’re hyon I guess you were trolling. My bad for assuming.
I don’t know who you are but public apologies are just as dumb as public shamings
Just apologize personally to people you’ve wronged, and if they refuse to hear it take it like a man and accept the consequences of your behavior
It’s not our responsibility to absolve you of your guilt
(keep up the self-improvement)
@Flare By far the best response. I’ll follow your advice and move forward.