Somehow I’m not forum-banned yet (y’all should probably get to work on that), so I’ll guess I’ll put this here.
Apologies for taking so long to… apologize. I was going to write some big philosophical essay about my reasoning for what I did, and why it might’ve made sense at the time, and how I can improve. But honestly, after thinking about it for a few days, everyone who is self-aware enough to understand what I was going to say wouldn’t need to hear it to begin with. Anyways.
None of what I did made sense. Nothing that I did that day made sense. None of the gameplay on Monday made sense. It was a combination of mistakes upon mistakes from days prior. It didn’t make sense to drop the hard-r in chat for entirely selfish reasons, and therefore I shouldn’t have done it, plain-and-simple. I’m sorry I trivialized a racial slur because what I thought was the prejudice and suffering and history behind it would represent my anger at my team, as if it were a sort of weapon. As I understand now, it isn’t my place to do that, or even my place to set the line there. But I don’t believe in forgiving and forgetting, and I still don’t understand why people tried to be even marginally nice after Monday, because if I forget I might just let myself get angrier and end up snapping again.
And despite how much I still hate everything about my team as players, they’re probably some of the nicer people I’ve met in this community. So I’m not going to defile their name as human beings by association. I’m just going to step back for a while. If there’s anyone out there who thinks there’s something more I have to do to fix things, especially members of the Black community, please let me know.
I’m going to talk to my former team and some former friends now, at their convenience. Goodbye.